the office

Jim: Just have Dwight punch you.
Michael Scott: Oh, yeah! Well, that would be kinda worthless because I know a ton of 14-year-old girls who can kick his ass.
Jim: You know a ton of 14-year-old girls?
Dwight: What belt are they?

Dwight: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim: OK, Whoa, all right 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.


Dwight: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead.

Dwight: I come from a long line of fighters, my maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. He killed twenty men and then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp... My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life... different kind of fight.


Michael Scott: You'll notice, I didn't have anybody being Arab. I thought that would be too explosive, uh, no pun intended. But I just thought, "too soon" for Arabs, maybe next year. You know, the ball's in their court.

Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael Scott: You may look around, and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way. You know why not? Because I am collar-blind.


Michael Scott: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.

Pam: I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.


Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."