sea of tranquility

But they went to the Moon, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins, going round and round, working out the IRA thing. And Neil stepped on the Moon and said, "One small step for man, a giant leap for mankind." Good line but not his line, I don't think… it didn't feel like his line, you know? I bet that was just given to him and he was coming down the steps going, "Small step for man, a giant leap for mankind. Small step for man, a giant leap for mankind. Don't get it wrong, Neil. Don't fuck it up. Here we go. I'm a small man with a giant big - shit!... One man, small giant, two...two mens... What was it?" ‘Cause you gotta say something, you can't go down to the Moon and go, "Oh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!" You can't land on the Moon and go, "Fucking ‘ell, I've been in that spacecraft ( stretching noises ) Right, I need a piss." You can't land on the Moon and wind down the window and go, "Is this - Sea of Tranquility? Sea of Tranquility? Is this Sea of Tranquility? Sea of Tranquility? There's no one around!”

But he had a sense of humor so he should have used it, ‘cause there was that lunar module there – a fixed camera, just fixed, not panning left or right, just stationary. So he could've been there saying, "Hi, people on the Moon. As you can see, the Sea of Tranquility here, there's the mountains in the distance, there's the Earth! There, you're looking back up at yourselves there. Over to my right, I can see a fucking monster! There's a monster behind me! ( screaming ) Oh no, help! Get off my leg!" Buzz Aldrin in a monster outfit... Neil doing a close-up with: "He's got me, Houston. The monster's got me! He wants cash! He's got my hand up behind my back. I think he knows jiu-jitsu! He wants cash for the release of my life. Send a million… - two million dollars, leave it in a bag by the Sea of Tranquility. I don't know, the North Shore! What the fucking ‘ell...?"

Oh, it would have worked, wouldn't it?

From Eddie Izzard's Dress to Kill show.
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