lessons from dr. boroto: part iii

As an undergrad, I took a Psychology of Adjustment class under the guidance of Dr. Boroto, and it changed my life. I never missed a class, and I took notes as if my life depended on it. He showed me how to diminish anxiety, how to truly and unselfishly love another, and how withheld communication is always bad. The following are, in no particular order, some of the insights I learned from this wise and generous man.

"Rainbow Strokes" by Holly Siek.
19. Pain is physical; suffering is psychological. Suffering comes from resisting your experience. You can have pain with suffering, pain without suffering, and you can have pain or suffering. The only way to get rid of anxiety is to experience it.

20. Do not keep withheld communication. It is insulting to the other person, and it drains the relationship of energy. Withheld communication is an incompletion, and it is a broken implied agreement.

21. In our culture, we promote guilt. Instead of feeling guilty, make an effective apology. Feeling guilty doesn’t solve anything.

22. Do not give any advice. Do not take any advice either. Solutions require responsibility, and people need to be responsible for their own actions.

23. Anxiety is the anticipation of pain or discomfort. It requires future-orientation, so, by focusing on the present, one can relieve anxiety.

24. To be lazy is to be selfish.

25. In relationships, do not start talking until the other person is physically, mentally, and emotionally available. Also, do not start a conversation unnless you are physically, mentally, and emotionally available. Communication is a function of intention.

26. The only way to make a good decision is to know the outcome, and no one has enough information for that. So, a good decision is one that you are willing to take responsibility for.

27. When you tell the truth, no one is wrong.